When You Can’t Be There for the First Day of School: Letting Go of That Nagging Mom Guilt

August 14, 2025

The first day of school can bring out big emotions—not just for kids, but for moms too. For working parents, the pressure can feel even heavier when our schedules don’t allow us to be there for drop-off, photos, or those sweet morning hugs. Cue the mom guilt.

Whether it’s the first day of preschool or the first day of middle school, not being there for your kids at that moment can stir up feelings of sadness, frustration with your situation or envy of all the parents out there that CAN be there. And sometimes, your child may feel it too—showing disappointment or tears you can’t be there. It’s enough to make you question if you’re doing enough… even when you know deep down you are.

Here’s the truth: You can’t be everywhere all the time. And that’s okay. Missing a school event doesn’t erase all the ways you show up for your child. It’s not about one moment—it’s about the whole experience of your love and presence.

What to Do When You Can’t Be There

1. Acknowledge the feelings—yours and theirs. Let your child know it’s okay to be disappointed, and let yourself feel all of your emotions without judgment.

   
   

2. Highlight the times you will be there. Talk about upcoming events you’ll be able to attend in the future- curriculum night, a class party, or that soccer game this weekend. This gives your child something to look forward to and helps reframe the situation.

   
   

3. Create a special “later moment.” Plan a fun after-school ritual— a favorite snack waiting for them, extra storytime, or a special theme family dinner. This helps them feel seen and celebrated even if you missed the morning send-off.

   
   

4. Challenge your mom guilt with the facts. Remind yourself: I am a good mom. My presence in my child’s life is not defined by one morning. This is powerful!

   
   

5. Practice a bit of self-care. Whether it’s a quick walk outside, a dirty comedy show, or your kid's leftover ice cream that's been sitting in the freezer—do something that flips your switch from sadness to joy- no regrets or guilt welcome!

   
   
   
   

What Not to Do

• Don’t minimize your child’s feelings (“It’s not a big deal”)—this can make them feel unheard.

  
  

• Don’t spiral into guilt by comparing yourself to other moms—your situation is yours, and it’s valid.

  
  

• Give social media a break; seeing everyone else's first day of school send offs will only trigger your mom guilt.

  
  

• Don’t overcompensate by overpacking your schedule to make up for a missed event—quality matters more than quantity. You may end up regretting your offer and it most likely won't make a difference to your child.

Missing a moment doesn’t make you a bad mom. It makes you a human mom, living in a world where balance is messy and love shows up in many ways. The first-day-of-school magic isn’t limited to the morning—it’s in the after-school hug, the “How was your day?” chat, and the bedtime snuggle. 

Your presence is felt in ways your child will carry for a lifetime.

Remember, you deserve to feel supported, seen, and steady—even in the chaos of everyday life. If you’re ready for professional motherhood support and tools to help you feel more balanced, I’d love to walk alongside you.

📅 Schedule your free consultation today and discover how therapy for moms can help you thrive.