Navigating School Refusal: Do's an Don't for Overwhelmed Moms

August, 2026

The start of the school year can feel like a rollercoaster for parents. Just when it seems like your kids are settling in with their new teacher, classmates, and routine—Monday morning shows up. Suddenly, your child is melting down, clinging to you at the door, or flat-out refusing to move from the breakfast table.

School refusal and school avoidance can happen to children of all ages, and they often become more noticeable after weekends, school breaks, vacations, or major transitions. For some children, the anxiety starts Sunday night. For others, it shows up the moment they realize it's time to leave home.

As a mom, these mornings can be incredibly stressful. You may be trying to comfort your child while watching the clock, worrying about getting to work on time, managing the needs of your other children and wondering, How am I supposed to handle this?

The result can lead to motherhood overwhelm, guilt, frustration, and burnout. The important thing to remember is that school refusal is not simply "bad behavior," and it does not mean you are doing something wrong as a parent. Often, a child is communicating that something about school—or the transition to school—feels too difficult to manage.

As both a mom and a school social worker who has supported children and families for over 15 years, I've seen how important it is to look beneath the refusal and understand what your child may be trying to communicate.

What Is School Refusal?

School refusal is more than simply not wanting to go to school one morning.

It can involve persistent difficulty attending school or significant distress around going to school. You might notice:

• Frequent complaints of stomachaches, headaches, or feeling sick before school

• Crying or emotional meltdowns in the morning

• Clinging to a parent or difficulty separating

• Excessive worry about school

• Begging to stay home

• Difficulty getting out of bed or getting ready

• Repeated requests to be picked up early

• Panic or intense distress at the school door

• Missing school regularly or refusing to attend altogether

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Sometimes school refusal is obvious. Other times, it looks like a child who is suddenly "sick" on Monday morning or who seems fine at home but becomes extremely distressed when it's time to leave. These behaviors can be especially challenging for moms because there isn't always an obvious answer.

Why Is My Child Refusing School?

There isn't one reason behind school refusal. For some children, anxiety is at the center of the problem. They may be worried about separating from a parent, being away from home, social situations, academic expectations, or something that happened at school.

Other possible factors include:

• Separation anxiety

• Social anxiety

• Academic struggles

• Peer conflict

• Changes in friendships

• Fear of failure or perfectionism

• Major transitions or changes at home

• Sensory overwhelm

• Previous negative experiences at school

• 
  

Sometimes the reason is easy for a child to explain. Other times, they may not have the words to tell you what is wrong. That is why looking beyond the behavior matters.

Instead of only asking, "How do I get my child to school?" it can also be helpful to ask, "What is making school feel so difficult right now?"

What Not to Do When Your Child Refuses School and You're Overwhelmed

❌ Don’t say: “Try it out, and if it’s too hard, I’ll come get you.”

This sounds supportive in the moment, but it sets kids up to believe that leaving school early is an option, which really won't make things any better in the long run. Instead, give them encouragement and a clear message: “I know you can handle this. I’ll see you when the bell rings.”

❌ Don’t make staying home “fun.”

If your child ends up home, resist the urge to turn it into a cozy day together with screen time or extra attention. That only makes staying home more appealing than school, and the refusal will just be reinforced. Instead, keep the day structured and boring—school should be the better option.

❌ Don’t dismiss their feelings.

Saying “You’ll be fine!” or "stop crying" might feel like tough love, but kids need to know their feelings are real and valid. A better response: “I know going back after the weekend feels hard. It's hard for lots of kids and adults. But you've gotten through this before, and I know you can do this again.”

❌ Don’t get into a battle.

Power struggles lead to more stress for both of you and feed the cycle of refusal. Instead, keep mornings calm and predictable—stick to the routine, move step by step, use clear and simple directives, and avoid long debates.

What to Do Instead

✅ Validate and reassure — “I hear you, and I know this is hard. I believe you can do it.”

✅ Stick with routines — Consistency makes kids feel safe and grounded.

✅ Stay calm yourself — Your steady energy helps them regulate their own.

✅ Celebrate effort — Notice even the small wins, like getting ready on time or walking into the building.

✅ Lean on the school team — Teachers and counselors are there to help; you don’t have to manage this alone. You know your child best and what he/she may need in the short term and long term.

Navigating school refusal can be emotionally draining. It's essential to recognize that both you and your child are experiencing a range of feelings. Your child may feel anxious, scared, or overwhelmed. Meanwhile, you might feel frustrated, helpless, or even guilty.

A Reminder for Burned-Out Moms

If school refusal is showing up in your home, it does not mean you're failing as a parent.

You can be a loving, supportive mom and still feel completely overwhelmed by school mornings. You can be compassionate without taking on all of your child's distress as your own. And you don't have to navigate the emotional weight of parenting by yourself. Sometimes the support a mom needs isn't another parenting strategy. Sometimes she needs somewhere to talk about her own anxiety, frustration, guilt, resentment, exhaustion, or overwhelm without feeling like she's doing something wrong.

Women's therapy can provide a space to better understand your emotional responses, work through parenting stress, reconnect with yourself, and develop healthier ways to respond when motherhood feels like too much.

Motherhood burnout therapy especially can also help you recognize when you're running on empty and begin creating sustainable ways to care for yourself while continuing to care for the people you love.

If you're a mom in Bolingbrook, Naperville, Plainfield, Romeoville, Downers Grove, or the surrounding Chicago suburbs and you're feeling overwhelmed by the emotional demands of motherhood, therapy can give you a place to slow down, process what's happening, and feel supported. At Resilient Bloom Therapy, I provide virtual therapy for moms navigating motherhood overwhelm, burnout, parenting stress, and the emotional challenges that come with caring for everyone else while trying not to lose yourself.

Ready to feel more supported? Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to see if therapy is a good fit for you.

— Carly Murillo, LCSW

Resilient Bloom Therapy

www.resilientbloomtherapy.com